B is for the black eyes you get when you speak out
R is for the regret you’ll feel if you stay
U is for a union not Worth your while
I is for his intention to never change
S means that sex is not enough
E means that an end is not in sight
S is for the “sense” to do what’s right.
PS:In Nigerian English, “sense” means wisdom.
So you carry bruises around like a trophy. I mean the one you received for your “love”. But of course you believe him. You deserve it. You did something wrong. You deserve to be physically punished for doing something wrong. I mean, why not?Aren’t you just the imperfect servant to a perfect and an all knowing master?
I’m not trying to be sexist or anything, but ” women and children are the primary victims of domestic violence” (E.I Nwogugu, 2014). Domestic violence like we know it in Nigeria is almost never reported because women feel an unreserved loyalty to their husbands and/or partners. They still fear the harm that will come to these partners if they are reported and mostly, they fear the public humiliation. They fear gossip. They fear judgment. Basically, they fear society. That is, when they don’t fear their husband/ partner’s wrath more. Like an African American would say ” Girl! To hell with the society! Society my black ass!” (Can’t you just hear Cookie Lyon saying that? Haha!!)
When you are afraid of society, remember this. Society is nothing without you. You are part of society. So when society refuses to let you have your say…and your way(when your say and your way are actually reasonable), you’re just going to have to do something about that and later on, write society a letter of apology if you have the time. Haha…:)
No, this isn’t easy. And I’ve seen more and more women succumb. I even know women who have. But remember that when you take a knife from a child, you save his life, regardless of how much he thought he wanted that knife and how much he cries thereafter. So doing something about an oppressive marriage doesn’t just help you. No. It helps your partner as well. Sometimes in ways you might not have thought it would. Have you ever heard of the saying in our “Nigerian English” that when you tell someone “waka”, the back of your palm does the same to you? The same thing happens to oppressors. Somehow they hurt themselves too without even knowing it. How? You might ask. They are generally unhappy.
I read a quote which said that sunsets are the evidence that endings too can be beautiful.
The society talks about maintaining the sanctity of marriage. How can you claim that its sanctity is maintained when both partners are sorely unhappy. Happiness doesn’t mean your marriage is devoid of problems. No. It means that despite these problems, you both have one mind. You both mean to solve these problems together, and you both genuinely do not want to hurt each other.
So let’s examine the meaning of sanctity for a moment. The Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary defined it as ” the state of being very important and worth protecting “. I ask you, is domestic violence even remotely a method of ” protecting” marriage? Does it in anyway show that marriage is “important”? I think not. And if you forget to be judgmental for just a second, you’ll see reasons with me.
You see, we look at form, rather than substance. What makes marriage isn’t the house, the ring, the name and the idea. What makes a marriage is the feeling. It’s love. And I know this probably sounds cliché but what is a marriage without the earnest desire to wake up next to the same person every single day, problems and all. Like they say, a home is not a house, it’s a feeling. So no, I’m not encouraging divorce. No. I’m encouraging genuineness. I’m encouraging love. I’m encouraging responsibility. And encouraging a life worth living. I’m encouraging a world where people are partners worth loving, men or women. I think you’ll agree that that would be a better world.
I say try to change your Partner. If he/she doesn’t change, please, don’t let them kill you. You won’t matter to the society if you’re dead.