Jealousy is a very natural emotion and there’s nothing wrong in getting Jealous. However it may be exaggerated in some people more than others. For Example, my best friend buys a new car while I still trek, I can get Jealous there’s nothing wrong!
Typically, the emotion resides in us as a tool for improvement not for us to drown ourselves in self criticism or Envy. Even siblings get Jealous. So if you feel a little sting of it once in a while don’t worry it’s Alright. You only need to learn to manage it.
What really destroys great friendship and relationships isn’t Envy but unhealthy Jealousy. Because no one enjoys feeling Jealous we see it as an abominable emotion when truly it is only a natural emotion we are supposed to learn from.
Why people get jealous can be deeply related to feeling insecure and having some form of low self esteem. But you will Learn how to deal with them right here!
What is Jealousy
Jealousy is a mixed feeling of anger, shame and resentment one feels about ones self or another person because of the happening of a good event. There are mainly two types and they are: healthy and unhealthy Jealousy’
Despite every other label given to it. it’s Either it is healthy or unhealthy. so what then is the difference?
Most people won’t tell you this but there is there is a good kind of it and a bad kind too. If you feel upset because something good happens to someone you know or don’t know, that’s the bad kind of it -which is Envy.
when you feel challenged that something good happens to someone and it spurs a feeling of improvement in you, this is the good kind. it is healthy and good because you do not hate the success of another but only wish the same for yourself. it makes you want to work for that success to. Now this is how you can overcome Jealousy but you must first tell what kind it is.
Kinds of Jealousy
Why you must understand the kind of jealousy is simply because you must know a thing to really understand and tackle it. We have mainly two kinds of jealousy, all other types fall under these two categories. They are:
This is the type that stirs you up to want to be better. It challenges you to improve on yourself. Your relationship with others isn’t affected adversely. For example,Your friend learns to play a keyboard, you admire it and soon you begin learning to play a keyboard or another instrument too. This kind of jealousy admires a success and soon wishes to acquire that same success or even an better one.
This kind of jealousy is characterized by hate, resentment and bitterness. It envies success and criticizes it. It seeks a way to pull down others from the ladder of success instead of learning how to climb the same ladder. It negatively affects our relationship with others because it breeds unnecessary competition and other negative emotions.
How to Deal With Jealousy
These are a few ways to handle the feeling of jealousy. whether it’s in a relationship or friendship, you can overcome it simply by doing these;
- First identify the Emotion you feel. Ask yourself certain questions like: why do i feel jealous? is there any reason to feel this way? is this emotion healthy or toxic? what do i stand to get by being Jealous?. when you’ve sincerely answered these questions, you will find that there really isn’t any reason to feel jealous of anyone or anything. Rather than feeling upset, we should feel challenged. if the emotion drives you to want to be better i don’t mean competitive then you only have to heed to improving yourself.
- Express yourself: if you’ve found out the kind of jealousy then you’re one step ahead. Now, start by expressing yourself. You can do this in front of a mirror or use any mirror-like surface. Talk to yourself, express exactly how you feel, if there is one person you can never lie to it’s yourself. Take a deep breathe.
- Tell yourself the truth: You need to be honest so you can make a decision. Tell yourself you will also have the opportunity when it is your time. Everyone has a time and everything has a season. Your time will come.
- See reasons to be happy with the other person: to do away with jealousy you need to find reasons to be happy with the other person for the success achieved. This is because what we celebrate we attract. so if you must have your own success, you must have to be happy for the other person
- Count your blessings: Furthermore, you should be thankful for the past success and good things, you’ve received. when you do this you will begin to feel optimistic and won’t feel bitter. You will be grateful and hopeful instead of upset, insecure and jealous.
- Open up if you must: Someone people feel better when they open up to someone about how they feel. If it works for you, try doing it.
Jealousy is generally rooted in insecurity which explains why people who know their worth and who they are are always content with themselves and barely experience it. It’s not something you can stop but you can learn to manage it. The best thing to do to overcome it is to find out where the insecurity is coming from.
Is it caused by a legitimate concern such as a friend hanging out with someone else or is there something about yourself you would like to change etc? Try to address the issues one after the other or just let them go. Prayer, contemplation and meditation can help to get good guidance in matters like this. Also, remember that there is absolutely nothing embarrassing about trying to better yourself and being honest about that.
If you feel that your jealously is becoming a problem, to the point where it starts to interfere with your everyday life, then seeking help from counselling would not be a bad idea. If you get extremely jealous only once in a while, then you probably don’t need to go for counselling. Occasional jealousy is fine and normal.
People get jealous for many different reasons, but whatever reason you get for being jealous, one thing matters. Does it affect your relationship and friendship with others negatively?. if yes then, you need to do the things above to get rid of your jealousy.
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