Inertia was the driving force
Only, there was no driving and no force.
I lay in bed counting every Naira I would have made
If only I had gotten out of bed.
My legs had turned to custurd. No, water. No air
I could hardly even tell they were there
I rolled to the corner.
There was peace in these corners
No books, no pressure to get a job, away from the clock and my wasted time.
I had peace, even though I didn’t have a dime.
Nonchalance was my indulgence. I didn’t have to think.
I could even pretend I didn’t hear my phone ring.
If sleep can only take me.
No reality can wake me.
In this powerless state for a time I chose to stay
Rejecting every source of energy that came my way.
Letting a lack of meaning suck out what power I had left.
Watching it take away, deriving joy in its theft.
If you’ve ever felt like in a minute you could die
And you could care less, it’ll take away the tears in your eyes.
Then you know what it truly means to be powerless
And you’ve been and you’ve seen the depth of life’s darkness.
But there’s always the strength tucked away in your stomach
If you can only lift a finger, maybe you can lift your back
Off the ground where in it’s conquered state it has been
Where this depression has thoroughly harassed your being
And maybe if you can get up, get out and see the sky
Then maybe, just maybe, you can spread your wings and fly.
And out of this hole where you have felt less
You can finally crawl, stop feeling powerless.
Onyinyechi C. Natha-Amadi